Missing my Super Bulges

Just finished watching Black Widow with my youngest (14 years) and I’m torn. I love seeing films with strong, smart women in the leads, it’s empowering without being condescending, inclusive without being preachy.

HOWEVER – I miss muscle men in speedos showing up to save the day. When I was feeling out of place and alone in junior-high, Batman would sweep into my imagination with his bulgy black Speedo, his jagged cape and his firm jaw to save me. I’m still sure it was Aquaman’s firm butt that got me onto the swim team in high school where I could wear my own Speedo without feeling self-conscious; I’m also sure he’s at least partially responsible for overdeveloped Speedo/Underwear fetish. And DON’T get me started on Spiderman…ok, let’s talk about Spiderman, who was regularly squatting with his thighs spread so provocatively. Sigh, he could wrap me up in his web ANYtime he wanted.  If only there was some radioactive spider to bite me and transform my overly scrawny frame into that muscled web spinner. WAIT, I’m confusing myself, did I want to be Spiderman or did I want to have (or be had by) Spiderman? I guess the beauty of fantasies is that I can have both.

Soooooo. Go girl power, Scarlett Johansson is great and I LOVE that a woman, Cate Shortland, directed (brilliantly I might add) but please I miss my Super Speedo Bulges.