Camping with my F. Buddies

Months ago I was invited to spend the August long weekend camping at Riverside Campground with my good friends, Patrick and Greg. Just to clarify, when I say good friends, I mean fuck buddies – with a strong emphasis on buddies, though I never want to undervalue the fuck…especially with these guys. We’re all set to spend the weekend in and out of Greg’s camper and in and out of each other…seriously, with three versatile guys (not to mention any guests that might drop in) the possibilities are endlessly delightful.

I’m beginning to think I might have to book an extra session with my therapist because I’m having a dilemma with all of this. I’ve been dating Justin for almost 11 months and I’m over the moon, under the sheets and around the corner in love. Still not the problem. He’s Poly (two husbands, one of them legally); I’ve known I was poly for years, this SHOULD all be working out beautifully and it is…mostly. It’s not that I don’t want to reconnect with Patrick and Greg – in and out of the bedroom. It’s not that I’m harbouring any residue of guilt from back in my heteronormative monogamous days…I do NOT miss those days.

Now that I’m finally exploring my polyamorous self it’s really resonating with me on a deep that goes beyond sexual gratification (there’s a LOT of that), but some part of my heart wants to be me and Justin with the rest of the world – even the sexy parts – shut out…unless we invite someone in together.  

O. M. f’n G. am I longing for monogamy? Don’t get me wrong, I’m going; if history repeats itself there’s gonna be lots of sex, and I’m gonna enjoy every moment of it, but…I’m gonna miss my guy. Maybe I have to admit what a sloppy, romantic I am. I’m also REALLY looking forward to reunion sex when I get back with Justin. I wonder if it’s as good as makeup sex.